"Release Your Inner Running Goddess...and prevent injury"

 “The magic happens outside of your comfort zone”. If you've watched the new series of 'Girls', you'll know what I'm talking about, if you haven't, you will still know what I'm talking about but you should also think about watching it. Today's session was the sky diving, the obscure amateur Thespian group or even the quinoa salad of fitness classes: track running (cue gasp).

Running technique is often bullied into the shadows by gait specialists polluting trainer shops, enforcing that “it's not that you run badly, it's that you haven't bought the right shoe” or that “you've got superficial, ultra pronation at your mid-foot ...sorry.” Well, firstly, pal, I don't speak sweatybetty lesbian jargon, and secondly, I do run badly.” People have forgotten how to run properly. Today we took our first steps to mend this (oh, and do give quinoa a whirl – try Otto Lenghi for recipes – but stay well clear of Thespian groups):

Warm Up:

• 2 x 400m, light jog.
• 50m of skipping (the hills are alive variety), heel flicks (kicking your bum), high knees and karaoke (this is predominantly to look professional but also to warm up the hips).
• 10 reps of leg swings, half press ups, squats, lunges and arm rotations (your shoulders must be loose).

The Workout:

NB: nothing should be executed at maximum pace - you can't focus on your technique and you will burn out. Also, the changing percentage of perceived effort is both to pace you but also to implement a more tangible understanding of the gears your body can go through when running correctly.

• 4 x 100m, building up to a 95% pace.
• 3 x 200m, all at 85-90%.
• 2 x 400m, first 200m at 80%, second at 90%
• 1 x 800m, first 400m at 75%, building up 5% every 100m after.

A few things to bare in mind when bounding round:

• Try to focus on a forefoot strike – you are not designed to land on your heels and consequently will be less economical, more susceptible to injury, disengage your foot muscles and ankles joints, as well as lose definition in your bum and legs if you do this. Read a book or two.
• Relax, Frankie said it, I say it. Focus on pulling your opposite leg back with your arm as opposed to driving up. Dwain Chambers you are not.
• Don't let your arms cross your mid-line or move them around extravagantly; don't be Phoebe from Friends, Rachel only ran like that once and only because she was being kind, she never did again. Trust me.
• Don't make a fist unless you've just robbed somewhere. Added to loosing all dignity, you'll get neck and upper shoulder pain...nothing says karma like an obligatory trip to the osteopath.
• Don't lean forward too much.
• Don't over stride. Imagine you are running barefoot or even give that a go, on the track.

Warm down:

• Gentle jog around the track, then walk around once more.
• Stretch, focusing on your hamstrings and calves.

It's a lot to take in and most of this will not feel natural, so don't worry. One more thing: build up gradually running with a forefoot strike as your tendons and leg muscles need time to adjust – you'll know what I mean when your try. Skipping with a rope helps. Skipping with a rope, wearing a bandanna and an extra small vest, while Apollo Creed stands close, helps even more (any large black man with a velvet voice will suffice).

“Addressing Your Bootcamp”: a beginner's guide

I'm on a quest for a suitably generic, inoffensive and yet authoritative term to address my bootcamp group with. So, I've made a list. Under each suggested name is a 'pro', followed by a riposting 'con'...

“Girls”:

Pro: Suggests fun – Cyndi Lauper was right.

Con: It really is just a teeny-weeny, ickle-wickle bit patronising, wouldn't you say? Of course you would.

Pro: Implications of youth. If you say it enough, they WILL believe it.

Con: Implications of youth. What would the BBC say if they found out I was making “girls” do the plank?

Pro: Less despotic.

Con: Bootcamp is not a democracy.

Pro: Makes me feel like one of them - “Come on girls let's really push ourselves on this one.”

Con: Makes me feel like one of them - “Come on girls let's really push ourselves on this one. What? Shut the FRONT door! He said what to you! Like you don't just, like, do all the washing and the kids just magically appear at school...I mean do we look like wizards, do I have a beard?”

“Ladies”:

Pro: It's traditional - I guess, really, it's the equivalent of gents.

Con: It sounds like something found in a golfing newsletter - “On the 3^rd of this month, a Thursday, the Ladies trickled down to Royal Windy Hill Golf Club. Threesomes were generally adhered to, although the odd foursome did break out. Despite taking quite a beating, the Ladies thoroughly enjoyed themselves. A special mention goes to Mrs. Thompson-Glover for her tremendous handling of the rough.”

Pro: One can effectively shout it.

Con: Seen on the front of a toilet door.

“Women”:

Pro: Biologically accurate.

Con: Misogynistic when used to address large groups of...well...women.

Pro: Certainly not confusing and thus possibly revealing...“well, we always said she looked a little xxy.”

Con: Increases odds of receiving physical abuse during bootcamps.

“Wifelets”:

Pro: Makes me feel like the Marquees of Bath.

Con: I don't own a zoo.

Con: Wifelets fight, a lot: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2002248/Police-called-Longleat-wifelets-brawl-gets-sleep-Marquess-Bath.html .

Con: Wifelets have been know to 'immaculately conceive' (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2002810/The-Marquess-Baths-wifelets-immaculate-conception-catfight.html ).

“Bootcampers”:

Pro: Gender indifferent.

Con: Only really works when drawled in a North American accent - “Great work there Bootcampers, way to go! You guys are smashing it today! I love God!”

“Guys”:

Pro: It's a term that now appears to encompass both sexes...the bisexual of addresses (greedy).

Pro: Can be used for both the young and old.

Pro: Can be shouted.

So, it seems that we have a true winner. There really doesn't seem to be anything not to love about guys. From now on I am definitely sticking with guys. 'Women', 'Ladies', 'Girls', 'Wifelets' and even 'Bootcampers' (that was a weird stage) are all dead to me.

Oxygen Debt & Other First World Problems...

   There are only 3 parts to the workout. We are striving for that Holy Grail of conditions, “Oxygen Debt”, which, in short, means your body's metabolism will be working like a rocket or “that girl at school, Jenny let's say, who just like NEVER puts on weight and can like eat like what ever she like wants. You know?” Yes, we know about Jenny. Damn Jenny.

Now, there is a lot of lifting weights here so keep your form. Ladies, you will NOT turn into a Williams sister if you do this - you don't produce enough testosterone to add muscle easily.

Warm up:

• Light cardio for 3-5mins, followed by 10-20 of the following (all bodyweight): squats, reverse lunges with arms above head, half press ups, leg swings and arm rotations.
• Glute activation/decorative pilates: hold the plank for 2 sets of 30 seconds, perform the bridge (keep your hips right up...think Eric Pryz 'Call on Me'...now try stop thinking about that...) for 5 sets of 5 second holds.

THERE IS NO RESTING DURING PARTS; IT SHOULD TAKE NO LONGER THAN 40 MINS, INCLUDING WARM UP & DOWN.

Part 1:

'Kettlebell Cleans' followed by 'Bastardos' (burpee with a press up)

Perform 15 reps of both exercises, then 12 reps, then 10 reps.

Use a weight you can JUST do 20 reps with. Make sure the kettlebells go up an down in a straight line, that means pushing your hips back when the weight goes down and then snapping them forward, using your bum muscles, to lift the weight once more. Keep your core tight during all the exercises.

If you haven't done a kettlebell or dumbell clean before, supplement it with a 'Sumo Squat to High Pull' (please look all this up; do not use your budding imaginations and go on instinct).

Part 2:

'Alternating Reverse Lunges' followed by 'Plank Climbers'

Perform 30 seconds of each exercise. Do 3 rounds.

Use a weight on the lunges that you could foreseeably do 10 reps with, on each leg.

Don't faff around. The 30 seconds should be exactly that, not 25 seconds and 5 seconds de faff.

Part 3.

'Front Squat to Push Press' followed by 'Dynamic Squats'

Perform 20 reps of both exercises, then 15 reps, then 10 reps.

Don't let the weight pull you forward on the 'Push Press'; keep your chest up and use a weight (dumbells, barbell, heavy medicine ball, kettlebell) you can just to 20 reps with. Carry out the squats as quickly as you physically can.

Warm Down:

Gentle cardio (jog, walk, cycle, sob gently) for a couple of minutes to get you heart rate back to something that vaguely resembles normality. Stretch well, from head to toe – flexible muscles look better than tight muscles and don't get you injured...it is as simple as that.

Tomorrow we tackle the issue of running: running technique, how short can 'short shorts' be and whether Sub Focus 'Timewarp' is the best running track of all time.