The Ten K

This was meant to have been released last Friday but hey, here it is...

I have entered into a '10K'. I am 6ft 2", have the hair of a Disney heroine and the manner of an Edinburgh based, Giant Panda, but I weigh 14 stone. Running for extended periods of time and carrying weight is not a match made in heaven. Mo Farah looks like Naomi Campbell did in the late eighties and is now, arguably, Britain's greatest ever athlete. What I am loosely trying to say is, I need to lose some weight. I tell you this not because I see this white screen as a diary to pour out the inevitable arrival of hunger fuelled, hormonal thoughts ('How many voicemail messages are 'too many'? Why can't I still pull off baby blue!?') but rather to articulate what I'm doing to get race fit and whether it's working. Today's piece will give but a broad outline of what I'm up to; the intricacies of dieting and training will be approached at a later date.

That What I 'Av Done This Week & Why

Monday - A long run. I ran for an hour, wearing my Vibrams and a disturbed look that said, "drinking rum until four on a Sunday morning, is one of THE biggest mistakes modern athletes make today...that and bad footwear...but mainly the rum." Why do this? To allow muscles to adjust to continuous strain, thus promoting muscular endurance.

Tuesday - A shortish run at race pace (the 'tempo' run). I went galloping around the countryside with my brother for forty minutes. We met a Golden Retriever puppy along the way. The sound of two young men/boys shrieking, "PUPPY!", was heard across county borders. Why? Because we LOVE puppies. Why do this? To get used to desired racing speed - it shouldn't be an abstract gear when race day arrives.

Wednesday - Bootcamp. I joined in the bootcamp that day and thus I too flipped tyres, swung kettlebells and worked on creating 'internal abdominal pressure' for an hour. I wore a paisley patterned headband throughout...the day. Why do this? Although the tyres were unnecessary, the core work will promote a stronger running form; if you're weak in the core, your posture falls apart, you can not utilise your glutes effectively and your gait will deteriorate.

Thursday - Boxing. I had a PT session with 'Will'. We tend to always box on a Thursday. All of it is partner based. If Will has a long city lunch, he tends to get hurt. Silly Will. Boxing and skipping strengthen the Achilles' tendons and your calves - both are rather important now that I'm running barefooted. Furthermore, it's important to throw in another form of cardio whilst training for a particular event. Smash the status quo 'n' all that.

Friday - Interval Training. Today's interval training was hill sprinting. Myself and 'James' (James is training for a 'sprint triathlon' that his fiancé entered him into; a glimpse of married life. Silly James) did twelve sprints in total. The distance varied from sixty to three-hundred metres. James weighs  twelve and a half stone. I spent most of the time staring at James' bum (because I was a touch slower...and I wanted to..."Like two baby tomatoes they was"). I felt like passing out and throwing up simultaneously - is that even possible? We ate loads of Jelly Babies. Running hills increases your aerobic capacity like you probably would believe.

Saturday - Will be spent swanning around the garden, discussing Syria and this year's lavender renaissance. These sort of discussions are done because they allow for a broader endurance to blossom...and lavender is the shit. Word.

Sunday - Will be spent distributing surplus food to homeless shelters in and around south London. Or...will be spent crying because I have a hangover and I feel like squirrel is hammering away at my eyes with a small but very real hammer.  

In short, I have increased cardiovascular exercise and decreased resistance training...kissing away the bulk and embracing the mashinist within.

Next week we shall discuss the beloved diet and all that jazz.