Looking Good Naked...

   Your bum is of major importance. Neglecting your bum holds fairly large aesthetic ramifications. I am now going to walk you through the rise and fall of your Rear Empire. Below each description is an explanation of what and where you went wrong, take heed – skim read if needs be. If you've already started to float, ethereally drifting away from these pages, then you need only know that what follows will help you look better naked. Fact.

Stage.1.

   You enjoy working out. You have always worked out. You warm up, sure, generally spending a couple of minutes on the cross trainer getting in the zone, thinking everyone else is listening to 'Raspberry Beret' by Prince, before doing a few stretches. You've heard stretching is good.

(You fail to activate your bum muscles. You NEED to switch on your core muscles, of which your bum is one of twenty-nine. If you're using them all properly you will see an improvement in: posture, sports performance, calorie expenditure and the “firmidity” of your bum. Also, you didn't perform any dynamic stretching...shame on you.)

Instead, please do:

• 5 minutes cardio – start slow, finish moderately/sweating
• 3 minutes dynamic stretching – squats, leg swings, arm rotations, walking lunges with torso twist etc.
• 3 minutes glute activation – 3 x 20 seconds of plank, the bridge and the clam. 
  
  
  IF THE BRIDGE ISN'T A PART OF YOUR LIFE, MAKE IT!

Stage. 2.

   You work out for forty-five minutes at a leisurely pace: twenty on the bike and twenty-five on the treadmill.

(You will indeed burn calories but your 'after-burn' shall be almost non-existent; better short and hard then long and...relaxed. Your running technique is compromised, as you failed to carry out dynamic stretches and glute activation – you're leaning too far forward and tilting your bum back and up.)

Stage. 3.

   You always like to do a couple of sit ups, you know, to tone up the stomach a little – you're not eighteen any more. You try and stretch but spend most of this time getting caught up in your noise-cancelling earphones, like a freshwater salmon. No one ever got in a tangle during that 'BeatsbyDre' advert.

(You only work the 'show muscles'. You haven't worked the TA muscle (Transverse Abdominus).

What is the TA muscle?

...essentially a belt that runs around your waist (almost), underneath all the 'show muscles'.

And if I neglect it?

You have a much harder time maintaining a flat stomach and run the risk of back injury.

Which means?...

...you probably have a slight paunch when you relax. If you want to get into those short shorts, paunch free, and beat Apollo Creed (any other black man with velvet voice will suffice) in a beach race, then work ALL your core muscles, fool. I could give you names, but use some initiative and have a gander online, please. OK, fine, start with 'Dead Bug' and for God's sake, push your stomach into the floor.)

In summary:

If you activate the glutes and make proper use of your TA muscle, then you will look better naked.