A Lack of Time: Vacation Problems

Easter is fast approaching. Kids are breaking up for the holidays; the talk is of 'good snow' and 'fresh powder' - damn the drug problem in the youth today. People appear to be trotting off to greener grasses and increasingly I am asked what can be done with no time at all. Unfortunately celestial foresight and witty retort fail me, instead try and suffice with mind blowing brevity and new-world efficiency. You can take it anywhere: the Alps, Majorca, your bedroom floor...or anyone else's. You won't need a timer, watch or Ikea wall clock - we're embracing instinct on this one. Time can mutter in the corner. You will, however, require a weight (six-pack of Evian water; 'Wolf Hall' by Hilary Mantel; pillow case filled with conveniently heavy objects) and a touch of space. This is what you can do with no time at all...in a hotel...on holiday.

The Warm-up:

• 20 of the following: squats, lunges, reverse crunches (pushing your lower back firmly into the ground to switch on the transverse abdominus – the muscle belt around your waist), arm rotations and leg swings.

The Workout:

Perform 50 of each exercise as quickly as you can. Between each exercise you must complete 10 bastardos (burpees with a press up). Your chest must touch the ground with each repetition - think of it as getting up and down off the ground as fast as possible. Also, make sure you start and finish with 10 bastardos. So, turn up 'Hall & Oats - Out of Touch', draw back the curtains and get moving (cue whip crack).

• Russian Twists – use the weight and touch it to each side for one repetition; look ahead; lean back. (By pre-exhausting your core, you'll find the rest of the workout a lot harder)
• Air Squats – try to bring your hips below your knees; tense your stomach; keep your chest up; keep knees tracking over or outside of your toes; squeeze bum at top of movement.
• V-sits (basically an elaborate sit up, please look up) – try not to use arms for momentum.
• Reverse Lunge With Overhead Press – lunge back whilst pressing the weight above your head; keep your chest up; bend the back leg properly; each lunge is a repetition.
• Superman Back Extensions – try to squeeze your shoulder blades at the top, bringing your arms back and into a sky-dive position.

Warm Down:

• Jump up and down gently -your feet should barely leave the floor - with your arms completely relaxed by your sides. Yes, like a Salmon floating upstream. Do this until the novelty wears off, or, alternatively, 30 times.
• Stretch.
• Make resolution - to actually read 'Wolf Hall'.
• Listen to The Chemical Brothers and shake your body some more.