I apologise for the
brief hiatus, I had man flu. Although a heady concoction of
Boots' best has kept me ticking over, I do not trust what literary
'revelations' it would have brought forth. Anyway, today was sunny. Yesterday was sunny. Tomorrow, however will not be sunny. Nonetheless,
the sun spells summer and the with that comes a chorus of
body-conscious groans. For those not squirreled away this winter, I
salute you, but for those that tentatively poke faces out of tree,
cheeks brimming with acorn, I merely say, “gather round, Brothers
and Sisters, 'cos we're heading to the land of full-fat milk, eggs and no honey.”
Each fortnight, I will
release tablets laden with ballpoint commandments for looking even better
naked. Here are the first three:
1."What NOT to eat for
breakfast".
- Cereal – any form of it. Yes, even muesli. You've been fooled into thinking that the carbohydrates and “fuller for longer” ingredients in cereal is healthy for you...well, Tony the Tiger can go drown himself in a puddle of skimmed lesbian milk. He was lying to you - shame on him. You've been consuming sugar. Even Bran Flakes, the bringer of all things constitutional, has 6 grams per 30 gram serving. Considering a 30 gram serving is enough to feed a anorexic field mouse, you're probably likely to take on a fair bit more than that. Just avoid all cereal, you really don't need it. I will allow organic oats, cold-pressed but go easy on the honey and stick to full fat milk.
- Bread – only farmers and the French have bread for breakfast. Unless you also digest a Gauloises cigarette and half a nibble of brioche for breakfast, then bread will not work for you. You are from Britain and thus contain absolutely no willpower. Bread, brown or white, is a waste of time – it's not real food but manufactured and essentially pure carbohydrates, which you'll struggle to digest, store as fat and wander the rest of your days a bloated, Hovis filled Francophile.
- Fruit – I know, the tune grows weary, but the pure fructose (sugar) is really needless right now. Save it for after a workout, or before, if needs be.
- Just egg whites – KEEP THE YOLKS. They contain essential fatty acids and basically all of the vitamins and minerals in an egg. The fat is GOOD for you. Read a book, again. This is also a nice opportunity for me to tell you WHAT TO EAT: WELL SOURCED PROTEIN, whether that's scrambled eggs (no toast), a scoop of organic peanut butter, full fat yoghurt with plenty of nuts and seeds, or even steak and veg (as professional boxers do, and it works, believe me), I really don't mind.
2. "Step up the HIIT".
- First take a look at http://justbootcamp.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/i-think-we-need-to-talk-abouthiit.html.
- Now try: 3 rounds of 30 seconds 5 RPE (Rate of Perceived Exertion) and 30 seconds 10 RPE (flat out), followed by 3 rounds of 40 seconds 5 RPE, 20 seconds 10RPE, and then to really drive you into oxygen debt and get your metabolism through the roof, 3 rounds of 30 seconds 5 RPE, 20 seconds 7 RPE and 10 seconds 10 RPE. I wouldn't try this on a treadmill, stick to a bike, rower, track, cross trainer, skipping, boxing or even running on the spot. Good luck.
3. "Stop doing crunches".
- They address only a very small and rather insignificant area of your core; you won't get a flat stomach nor shed visceral fat by going through this most clichéd of motions.
- Stick to activating your core before working out (plank and bridge holds for 2 x 30 seconds, each) - your posture will improve and you'll get more from your workout.
- Try these on for size: Russian Twists, 2 sets of 16 reps. Keep looking ahead (the nice man below is not but not to worry) and don't sit up too much.
...and Lying
Windmills. Keep your stomach tensed at all times. Try 2 sets of
10 reps and build from there.
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