Reminiscing & Other Indulgances

It will soon be a year passed since bootcamp first flew onto the scene in a haze of compensatory campness; amongst a bed of polystyrene wrapped kettlebells; and, rather importantly, in front of a small flock of trusting disciples. Much has changed, much has not: I no longer preach to smallish congregations but rather spill my words over medium to largish groups; the kettlebells have now taken on a rustic used look; but I still remain vivacious to the point of overtly 'theatrical', forever searching for that unbroken soliloquy. Anyway, without further adieu, I give you some of the more golden of nuggets that have struck and supported me during the ride that is the 9:15am bootcamp.


Kids. Get the kids involved. Whether its putting the finishing touches on Nike trainers or joining in on circuit training, it is of the utmost importance to make space for them in your bootcamp. Fail to accommodate and people will drift away - you've been branded the Roald Dahl of the fitness world - or worst they'll soon be running riot, eating mats, erecting religious idolatry from boxing gloves and selling kettlebells on EBay.

Respect (just a little bit). Yeah, that's right, I said, I meant it and I'm here to represent it. If you commit yourself to coming with a large group of girls/ladies/madams, you won't regret it. Let me try that one again: if you start coming frequently, with or without a friend, early in the morning, you will reap the benefits. What be the benefits? Well, asides from a ground-breaking figure that would float with the best of Sports Illustrated, you'll be flooded by respect. Welcome to the Sopranos. Many a time had I wandered through the undergrowth of Waitrose, searching for infamous artichoke hearts - it was a solitary journey - minding the business of my own, but now I throw myself from isle to isle, nods here, greetings there, secret handshakes left right 'n' centre....Waitrose hasn't had this much attention since Pippa Middleton discovered that putting ice in your drink will make it cold. Well, Pippa can think of some more tips* in her own time because Waitrose is mine, my house. Attending bootcamp cements your position in the Italian bloodline of Surrey-Kent border. Call me the Godmother...if you like, I'm really not that fussed....honestly.

Cliques. Avoid these at all costs, for as soon as a clique has sprouted out from beneath you, destruction will ensue. Controlling one group is hard, controlling two or three is near impossible. It's not their fault they didn't listen to your articulate explanation of the biomechanics of a burpee - they were engrossed in said clique - but that won't change the fact that you will forever be stuck in explanatory purgatory, cursed by repetition.

The Illusionist. Place posture on a pedestal. If you can give people the tools to amend the way they sit, stand, walk and run, then dividends will be paid. Standing correctly and confidently is THE most/pretty much the most attractive thing people can do. Monastic dedication might give you the body of a 21 year old volleyball player, but if you don't hold yourself correctly, no one will know that.

Here endeth the lesson.

*Pippa's tips include gems such as, “[Star-gazing] is best in pitch darkness on a very clear night, and can be exciting even for quite young children.”or, “If you prefer a cold beverage over a warm one, you could put water in a tray in the freezer. This will allow it to harden. You can then place these now frozen cubes into a glass and consume your cold beverage.” and last but not least, "“Games are not only fun but are also useful for keeping children at the table.”