The Inevitability of Summer: 5 Exercises to Start Doing Now

EXT. TENNIS COURTS. DAY

A group of women are gathered, in sports gear, waiting.

BOOTCAMPER #1

Gosh, it's cold this morning. I'm just fed up with this winter.

BOOTCAMPER #2

Oh, I know. It's the coldest April for nine-hundred and thirty years, apparently.

BOOTCAMPER #3

Nine-hundred and thirty years!? You know what, I'm just not sure whether summer is ever going to arrive.

Anyway, have you noticed how toned Freddie's bum is these days? As if bootcamp couldn't get any better?!

BOOTCAMPER #2

I know. Bonjour, bébé tomates...organique.

          They all burst into a healthy cacophony of laughter, before smiling – they appear to be picturing      the bum in question.

Right, this is, I imagine, a daily conversation at bootcamp. However, what I wish to make clear to everyone is this: summer will arrive, holidays will be taken and at some point and you will be forced to shed clothing. Now, whether you wish to begrudgingly do this, having grown accustomed to your cashmere defences, or whether you'd rather tear off the shackles of winter like you are the love child of Superman and Magic Mike, is really quite up to you. What I will say though, is that there are one or two things you ought to be building on now before you can do a little bit of this:



...play beach volleyball, in your jeans.

The Itinerary:

1. 'The Usain Bolt' – yes, this is a fabricated name, but it will do wonders to your legs, core and upper back. So, grab a cable machine or exercise band, make sure it is about head height and take the strain, so that the cable/band is no longer slack. Now step back once more, diagonally, pulling the band/cable back with you, whilst leaving your other arm out. At full extension, your shape should resemble Usain Bolt's when he's doing 'the lightening Bolt celebration'. At no point should the cable/band lose it's tension. Try 3 sets of 20 reps/arm with a resistance you'll struggle with on the 15-20^th repetitions. If you're struggling getting your head around this, look up 'one arm cable row' then look up 'transverse row', you can work it out from there.

                                     

2. Plank Up Downs – move from a planking position to a press up position and back, continuously. Keep your bum tensed and suck your stomach in to hit your transverse abdominus. Try not to move at the hips. I can not stress to you enough how important the plank is: you posture will improve, you will stand taller and thus more confidently, your stomach will be flatter and your life will get better. Throw in the climbing variety and the back of your arms and shoulders will make Jennifer Aniston cry. Try 3 sets of 30 seconds, with 30 seconds rest in between sets.
   
   
                                    
   
   
3. Hip Thrusts – yet another exercise stripped from my sermon sheet and thrown at the congress until exhaustion. So, please, please, please perform any form of the hip thrust before you workout. You may even have a whirl at the weighted variety when you're warmed up. Try something new: buy a Big Issue, punch a squirrel, ballroom dance, make some Champagne socialist remark on Facebook, but do ENSURE THE HIP THRUST IS A PART OF YOUR LIFE. Do 2 sets of 20/leg, as part of your warm up.
   
   
                                         
   
   
4. Weighted Side Bends – be this psychosomatic or not, the side bend seems to make everyone under my training umbrella happy. Just try and imagine there is a brick wall in front and behind you, so as to avoid unwanted rotation. Do this at the end of your workout. 2 sets of 20 reps/side with – and this is guidance, not an order – 8kg for girls and 15kg for guys. Build it up, add weight with time and embrace new found, V-shaped firmness.

                                                  

     5. Goblet Squats - just do them and you'll understand. Keep your chest up and imagine you are being pulled up and down by a piece of string, from your chest. Don't let the weight drop below chest height or you'll load up your back necessarily. Squeeze your bum at the top to ensure a full range of movement, and keep a curve in your lower back. Go below knee height. Do 3 sets of 15-20 reps with a weight you struggle with on the last few reps.

                                      

NB How you hold yourself, standing, walking and sitting, are quite possibly the most important things when the time comes to strip. The above exercises give you the tools to enforce the correct execution of this. However, there is little point in having the bum of a Ugandan coal miner and the stomach of a Disney princess if you don't stand up straight and give it a “little sumin' sumin'”. So, think happy thoughts, smile like you mean it, fix up look sharp and show me what you got.