Beauty: The Lesser-Known Components

      It is amazing how complete the delusion is that beauty is goodness. Let's take, for a minute, 'goodness' and rawly translate it not as morally or ethically good - "yuk!" - but physiologically good. Beauty is thin hips, wide shoulders or even a slim waist, killer legs and a smile that could make Christopher Hitchens believe in creationism, it's Mr. Olympia but also Miss World.

 

    Don't get frilly lipped about this; I'm being skin deep and I'm just a voice, nestled in the bosom of the masses - this is what the people think, man. I know, we should really knit some hemp garments, whip out our...ucalales, discuss book read philosophies and reduce everything to rubble, but that sounds shit, so in the meantime let's dive deeper into the rabbit hole of physical perfection, with all it's tasty trappings...

     There are a great number of aesthetically perfect combinations that appeal to different demographics: Jessica Ennis has got that Athenian thing going, which says, 'if we go to the theatre, get attacked by youths, don't fret, babe, I've always seen umbrellas as wet-weather javelins' (phew, what a relief); Tom Selleck has a rugged manliness, that's been forged in North American forests, probably nurtured by bears that implies: 'Come too close, son, and I'll grizzle you to death with my moustache'. I know, fuck, that's brutal Tom, and to think we were happy for you to marry Monica; on the other end of the aesthetical spectrum, however, there's Brad Pitt from 'Fight Club'___[silence]____ - there are no words, none at all - thanks Brad, sentence killer.

    Anyway, what I'm trying to say, is that even perfection comes in different shapes and sizes (except Crossfit). Now, everyone one of these looks can NOT work without a few vital components. We know the main ones; the lesser known parts are just as important. I'm going to go through just TWO and bring them kicking and screaming into the limelight.

1. Your Knees
I know. WTF?!!! Exactly, 'knees'. "Oh..'KNEES!'" "No, you've lost me. What are we talking about?" Just think carefully about the leg - when the knees buckle, so do the hopes and dreams of that person's legs ever looking beautiful. Jessica, Tom and Brad (obvs.), all have legs with knees that haven't buckled. Their legs are straight. When they walk their knees don't move around erratically, threatening to bring the whole god-damn show to an unshapely end - they stay put, like a good knee should. We take our knees for granted. Another Hallmark holiday maybe Mr. President?

Anyway, your Gluteus Medius is one of the main pieces in this knee jigsaw - and the only one we'll discuss today - as they play a huge role in stabilising the hips and stopping your knees moving around like a couple squatters (see what I did there?). Weak GM = weak knees = BINTM 2014 hopes out the window - bye, bye Elle, bye, bye Tyson and bye, bye...Danni?

Keeping Your Knees Under Control Without Using Bribery:

One Legged Squats -

 

 

 

- Don't let the knee move inside or beyond your toes.

- Keep your chest up.

- You can do this sitting back down onto a chair - with one leg - and standing back up - with two - therefore working on the eccentric phase = more muscle stimulation.

Side Lying Hip Abduction -

 

 

 

- Flex the foot at the ankle and bring leg up and slightly back.

- Focus energies on hitting your glute not your hip flexors.

2. Your Rhomboids.

Weak rhomboids lead to a rounded back and 'sticky out-y' neck. You can be a size 6 with a six-pack, but if your shoulders are slumped forward you look shit. That is a fact. Drink it in.

Sort it out:

I lifted this from a great physio and rehab site...

 

• Shalabhasana Variation- Fingers Behind The Head

 

 

 

• Lie on your stomach. Interlace your fingers behind your head and lengthen the back of your neck pressing up into your fingers.

• Slowly draw the belly in and lift your trunk up off the floor a few inches, keeping your throat soft. The head, neck and chest want to elevate in one piece.

• It doesn’t matter how high the trunk lifts off of the floor but it is essential that the back muscles lengthen instead of shorten.

• Lift the elbows up and out as you lift up. Try to keep the elbows at the high of the head of higher.

• If the shoulders are tight you can separate the hands allowing the fingertips to touch.

• Try drawing the bottoms tips of the shoulder blades towards each other and hold for 5-10 breaths.

There we go. There's more to come, but the government board for education always promotes some drivel about only being able to concenrate for a limited amount of sdjofpjdfspjdsmk;sd;k


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